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Well, it's an interesting piece to say the least. The macabre imagery and the actions of the mother are disgusting and put incredibly blunt, which works to the fiction's advantage. But (for me at least), that's all it's got going for it. Yeah, it's got the shock of the victimizer being the woman's mother, but I don't really see anything else that's profoundly significant within the work. There isn't any build-up, we know almost nothing about the characters, and the story is (forgive my language) sub-par because of it. That, and the story prides itself on gore. Yes, when used, blood and gore contribute to many a scare within a piece of art. But frankly, it's overused. Now, I know that I'm a hypocrite for using a fair about of blood in my entry, and you are free to give your own critique if you find it necessary. But that's for another time.

Now, the story itself, again, is an alright work. A bit amateur, but it's good for what it offers. However, I have a few things to suggest the next time you plan to tackle a piece of prose of this genre. I'm not an aficionado in writing, much less horror writing, but I feel as if this will help.

Instead of focusing on sudden action, trying building tension in the situation, giving hints and pieces of the character's personality and inner psyche as the work moves along. And when the climax arrives, keep it simple and disturbing rather than a sudden jump scare. I feel as if the subtle side of horror leaves a lasting impression on the reader and works as a greater poison.

I hoped that this critique helped, and that your skills improve as a result.
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girlpower12121 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for taking the time to crituque my work. it means a lot to me :D

I agree with everything you said as I myself know this is not my best work. I rushed this as I was running out of time for the contest. And then I got it in on time but the contest was extended. It was my own fault for being so lazy but yeah. Thank you so much! It means a lot to me and I totally see what you mean.
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