Hey, you guys. It's The Wayword Writer again and I know it's been a while. First off, no, I did not complete NaNoWriMo. I only made it about two chapters into the novel, but I plan to get back to it. I'll likely start again at the start of January, and start a month-by-month schedule where I work on the novel for one month and then transfer to short stories and other projects I want to get to. At least that's how it's supposed to go. But more importantly, I want to show you all something. Now, as a writer, I'm always looking to get published. This means that the writing that I produce will end up getting sent to journals or publicists or people that just like posting good writing and, if I'm that good and just a little bit lucky, I'll end up with my work in the (more) public view. What I want to show you guys is a comment an editor from Polyphony HS gave me after review The Walkman. This is incredibly important, mainly because editors don't give feedback on work they consider for publication. And I really wanted you guys to see this. So, here it is. The general gist of it, at least.
Thank you for submitting to Polyphony HS! This was a very unique poem, I’m certain I’ve never seen this topic before and your use of paragraphs to tell the poem in a story like pattern is uncommon for poems. You had some beautiful descriptions and metaphors in here— my favorites being the lines about the Walkman’s footsteps and hair. However I do have a few problems with this poem. Firstly- it feels like two poems. You start off on a really interesting note about how a dancer is fluid but not water, and it’s beautiful but seems to have nothing to do with the next part of your poem about the Walkman. You sort of connect the two by saying dancers aren’t water but the Walkman is and this brings me to my second problem: you never explain why the Walkman is like water. You spend a third of your poem leading up to something you never address. To be honest, I think the poem would work better without the first stanza. I would suggest either working the topic of water and fluidness into the stanzas about the Walkman, or replacing the first stanza one about the Walkman. Perhaps you could start with a question like: “Who is the Walkman?” Then immediately progressing into, “He isn’t made of wiring…” Other than this topic shift, I found your poem well-written and intriguing, keep writing and submitting!
I wanted to point this out because of one line in particular. The very second and very last line of the entire review. Words like unique and intriguing get tossed around, and it's what makes me feel even more special when I read it. Not only do I know that I'm doing what I want to do, but I'm being taught how to do it better. That's what feedback is all about. I like to compliments and the "nice jobs", but nice can only go so far. I want to be different, revolutionary. I want to know what it's like to be able to not know what a boundary line or border is, and be able to effectively put anything into a story in such a way that it seems to enhance it because of how foreign the concept is, rather than detract from the narrative and setting because how random it's inclusion seems. So, talk to me, people. Or give me suggestions on how I can talk to you. I'll have a short story for all of you within the next to weeks, hopefully. But for now, this is The Wayword Writer saying that FINALS. FUCKING. BLOW.
P.S: Thanks for the 5000 views, you guys. Let's try and double that number.